Emotionally Compromised
by Laree England
Summary: Kirk tells Spock about his mind-meld with Future-Spock. Kirk and Spock friendship.


It had been a day of silence aboard the Enterprise. They were now warping away from a tragic little planet, one whose inhabitants, all who were a cliff's fall under the poverty line, drove an emotionally taxing dagger into each of the away-team's hearts. They had done what they could to help the civilization, but their intergalactic duties called them away before they could do all that they would have liked.

Kirk stood with his hands behind his back, watching distractedly out of the window as stars streaked by.

"I wish we could have done more," he said aloud, not to anyone in particular.

An answer came. "There is no point in wishing. Our help is needed elsewhere, there is nothing we can do about it, so there is no point to go about wondering about what we could have done had we stayed. Your attentions would be best served to make a strategy for our mission at hand."

Kirk let out a breath. Having an emotionless pointy eared bastard for a best friend could be more challenging than defeating Nero had been sometimes.

"It was just a... Thought, Spock," he said, his voice scratchy with regret.

"I just do not see a point in it." Spock replied.

Kirk turned around. Spock had his head facing to the side and down, his eyes showing that he was obviously lost in thought. It was in these moments, either when Spock believed that no one could see him or he was alone with Kirk, that he showed signs of deeply rooted and bottled up emotion. Not the emotion itself, no, never that, but signs that he did in fact possess them.

Kirk crossed the room and sat across from the Vulcan, who refused to meet his gaze. "You do feel," Kirk said, leaning forwards slightly. "I know you do."

"How could you possibly know that?" Spock said in the low, wavering voice he usually used when he was trying to suppress his emotions.

Kirk opened his mouth to talk, but he knew that if he shared the real answer with Spock, the next thing he knew would probably be waking up in the hospital in a week. "I-I mean..."

"I am Vulcan. I am incapable of emotion."

"You're half human, right? There's gotta be some kinda emotions in that shell of yours..."

"No, Captain."

"Dammit, Spock, don't lie to me!" Kirk said, pounding the table. He couldn't pinpoint why he had snapped. Maybe it was from seeing the horrible living style of that planet. Maybe it was years of frustration of never seeing a speck of emotion from his best friend since his mother had died. Whatever the case, he needed Spock to react, show some form of humanity, or Kirk felt like he might lose his mind.

Spock's eyes weaved up to meet Kirk's gaze. "You are hiding something from me."

Kirk shook his head. "I'm not—"

"I know you, Captain." Spock cut in. "Perhaps better than anyone on this ship. There's something you are not telling me."

Kirk swallowed and leaned back in his seat. Maybe it would be best to tell him...

He leaned forwards once again, taking a moment to find his words. "When I spoke with... Future you," he struggled, gesturing to Spock. "He... He mind melded with me. Showed me what had happened to him—you—whatever..."

"I need not remind you that because of the difference in timelines between he and I that we are not, in fact, the same person."

"Yeah, well, you've got the same DNA," Kirk snapped. He took another breath before continuing. "_Anyway_, what I'm trying to get out here, Spock, is that I could feel his emotion. _Your_ emotion."

Spock blinked. "You could?"

Kirk nodded. "Yeah."

Spock shifted in his seat, his eyes dropping again in thought.

"I felt everything he felt. Sadness, love, loyalty. A sense of bond between—" Kirk stopped, knowing that that would be going too far.

Spock's eyes darted up. "Between...?"

Kirk swallowed. "Us?" It sounded more like a question than an answer.

Spock's eyebrow raised. "A bond between _us_."

Kirk nodded, looking down, embarrassed. The silence that came next was awkward as Kirk came to full terms with how ridiculous he must have sounded to Spock. He might have just made himself look like a fool in Spock's eyes, a petty little human riddled with useless and hindering emotions. He wouldn't be surprised if Spock reported him. God knew he deserved it if he could break into an angry tantrum so quickly.

"I do not deny it."

Kirk's head jerked up and he stared into the normally blank eyes of Spock. "What?"

"I do not deny that we share a bond, Captain, unlike any I have ever experienced. It is not based upon a responsibility, or any form of logic. Any Vulcan in his right mind would probably run from it because it is illogical and unknown to them. However, as you said, I am half human, and I don't know how much I could say for any half Vulcan half human in their right mind, seeing as I am the first, but I can tell you that I am not going anywhere. In fact, I believe that the bond is strong enough that it would still exist even if I was a full Vulcan."

Kirk was pretty sure that his jaw had dropped at the beginning of Spock's speech. Had he really been feeling this all this time? Is that why Spock had always been most unguarded around him? He was speechless. Spock actually cared for him, on whatever level he was capable. Whatever Spock felt, Kirk couldn't be more glad.

"Truth is..." Spock made complete eye-contact with Kirk, as if wanting to make sure that he caught every word that left his lips. "If anything were to happen to you, Jim, I can guarantee you I would be emotionally compromised."


End file.
